Wanting things that you cant have...its probably one of the harder things to go through...

not being able to have something makes you want it even more...

whether its something or even someone.

i think i get consumed with a lot of "what if" questions...and i cant seem to escape it all.

being the person that always wants to be there for everyone..always wanting to be the one to mend the broken hearts and pick up their pieces..always wanting to be the one to catch all my friends when they fall...ive actually turned into someone completely opposite. many might accuse me of being "all talk" or just someone who can easily throw around the phrases, "dont worry, ill be there"..."you know im always here for you"..."i got your back"...

its not that i dont want to be...by all means, each and every single person in my life is so significant to me in one way or another. its just that i feel like i try too hard to keep my word with everyone and everything, and end up getting tired. i guess i always fear losing people in my life, and try to find a way to hold onto them---but sometimes this backfires through broken promises, false foundations, jealousy, accusations and assumptions...and this all makes me or that other person completely shattered and exhausted in the end.

people dont tend to remember what you say to them...what you gave them...what you showed them...but they remember how you made them feel. and i pray to God that i stop hurting those around me, and i pray to God that i learn how to love in a way that its not superficial...i pray that ill be able to be there for every single person individually, and truly show how much they mean to me---whether ive known them for years, weeks, days...God has clearly placed you in my life for a reason, and im not going to let you just pass me by without letting you know that you are a blessing.