What an amazing day today.
Earlier today, I got to meet up with my friend who i haven't seen in more than a year. Had an yummy lunch at a very nice restaurant, saw a very nice and fancy mall. Was stuck in traffic for 45 min to get back home.
A night with my dearest friend. Talked about life, growing up, financial struggles, status, school, family, faith, church, God, our walks, darkest secrets, concerns, things that scare us, joy, boys, marriage, prayer request, new dah-jim for 2011, reflection on 2010, S.H.A.R.E.D, @ cherry on top? nooo, @ Tapioca express + McDonald + my car. And we ended our day by praying for each other... and guess what? it was 00:00 12/31/10 when we finished our prayer.
My friend: genuine, warm-hearted, 다른사람을 배려해줄줄 아는사람, 다른사람을 생각해주는 사람, someone who prays for others, someone who tries their best, someone who's honest, someone who's not afraid to share, someone who loves me for who i am, someone who can cry with you, someone who can be happy with you, someone who gets mad for me, 욕도해주고, 정신도 차릴수 있게해주는친구, 자기자신보다 남을 더 생각해주고 사랑해주는친구, someone who loves giving, someone who always cares for others, and so much more.. I love you friend. <3
Friday, December 31, 2010
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
prayer.
Lord, make me childlike. Deliver me from the urge to compete with another for place or prestige or position. 1 would be simple and artless as a little child. Deliver me from pose and pretense. Forgive me for thinking o f myself. Help me to forget myself and find my true peace in beholding Thee. That Thou mayest answer this prayer 1 humble myself before Thee. Lay upon me Thy easy yoke of self-forgetfulness that through it 1 may find rest. Amen.
Saturday, December 11, 2010
I didn't know...
I didn't understand how stressed I was/am. I think I'm being kind of numb to where I am right now. My skin's breaking out, my eye vessels are red, my body feels tired, crazy dark circles. -__-. what's wrong with me. I can't wait to be done with this semester. I feel like this semester has been so tough mentally. I feel like studying wasn't as bad as being stressed over LIFE.
I am messed up. I feel like i'm getting further and further away. sigh. shake up and get my life straight. ahhhh. ok. should read or something. good night world.
I am messed up. I feel like i'm getting further and further away. sigh. shake up and get my life straight. ahhhh. ok. should read or something. good night world.
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Mighty lord.
The enemy wants us afraid, he wants us discouraged. But really, they are just words. They are just statistics said by broken people who have a very limited knowledge on a few things. But there’s no power in them; it’s just man’s attempt at trying to figure out the situation. Man is not sovereign and his words are not power.
There’s only One who has power in words, and that’s our Creator God and logos Jesus Christ. Christ IS the Word; the very spoken word when creation began. When God spoke, the heavens were made. When God spoke, man was formed. When God spoke, Samuel began in Kelly. When God spoke, Kelly’s water broke and ordained that the specific doctors would be working that day. God speaks, and Samuel breathes. God is the only one who speaks with power. He spoke His Word to us in the Bible, and He speaks life to us today.
Saturday, October 16, 2010
God spoke to me today....
Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away
Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run
And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you
Look at these hands and my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life
Cause I, I love you
I want you to know
That I, I love you
I'll never let you go
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away
Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run
And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you
Look at these hands and my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life
Cause I, I love you
I want you to know
That I, I love you
I'll never let you go
Friday, September 24, 2010
beutiful song- Bruno mars- Just the way you are
Oh, her eyes, her eyes, make the stars look like they're not shining
Her hair, her hair, falls perfectly without her trying
She's so beautiful, and I tell her every day
Yeah, I know, I know, when I compliment her she won't believe me
And it's so, it's so, sad to think that she don't see what I see
But every time she asks me do I look ok, I say
When I see your face, there's not a thing that I would change
Because you're amazing, just the way you are
And when you smile, the whole world stops and stares for a while
Because girl you're amazing, just the way you are
Her lips, her lips, I could kiss them all day if she let me
Her laugh, her laugh, she hates but I think it's so sexy
She's so beautiful, and I tell her every day
Oh, you know, you know, you know, I'd never ask you to change
If perfect's what you're searching for then just stay the same
So, don't even bother asking if you look ok
You know I'll say
When I see your face, there's not a thing that I would change
Because you're amazing, just the way you are
And when you smile, the whole world stops and stares for a while
Because girl you're amazing, just the way you are
The way you are, the way you are
Girl you're amazing, just the way you are
When I see your face, there's not a thing that I would change
Because you're amazing, just the way you are
And when you smile, the whole world stops and stares for a while
Because girl you're amazing, just the way you are. Yeah
Her hair, her hair, falls perfectly without her trying
She's so beautiful, and I tell her every day
Yeah, I know, I know, when I compliment her she won't believe me
And it's so, it's so, sad to think that she don't see what I see
But every time she asks me do I look ok, I say
When I see your face, there's not a thing that I would change
Because you're amazing, just the way you are
And when you smile, the whole world stops and stares for a while
Because girl you're amazing, just the way you are
Her lips, her lips, I could kiss them all day if she let me
Her laugh, her laugh, she hates but I think it's so sexy
She's so beautiful, and I tell her every day
Oh, you know, you know, you know, I'd never ask you to change
If perfect's what you're searching for then just stay the same
So, don't even bother asking if you look ok
You know I'll say
When I see your face, there's not a thing that I would change
Because you're amazing, just the way you are
And when you smile, the whole world stops and stares for a while
Because girl you're amazing, just the way you are
The way you are, the way you are
Girl you're amazing, just the way you are
When I see your face, there's not a thing that I would change
Because you're amazing, just the way you are
And when you smile, the whole world stops and stares for a while
Because girl you're amazing, just the way you are. Yeah
Monday, September 20, 2010
guy.
Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who will stay awake just to watch you sleep... who wants to show you off to the world when you are in track pants, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you're just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky he is to have YOU... The one who turns to his friends and says, "thats her"....
Friday, September 17, 2010
lyrics
Picture perfect memories,
Scattered all around the floor.
Reaching for the phone cause, I can't fight it any more.
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind.
For me it happens all the time.
It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now.
Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now.
And I don't know how I can do without, I just need you now.
Another shot of whiskey, can't stop looking at the door.
Wishing you'd come sweeping in the way you did before.
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind.
For me it happens all the time.
It's a quarter after one, I'm a little drunk,
And I need you now.
Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now.
And I don't know how I can do without, I just need you now.
Yes I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all.
It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now.
And I said I wouldn't call but I'm a little drunk and I need you now.
And I don't know how I can do without, I just need you now.
I just need you now.
Oh baby I need you now.
Scattered all around the floor.
Reaching for the phone cause, I can't fight it any more.
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind.
For me it happens all the time.
It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now.
Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now.
And I don't know how I can do without, I just need you now.
Another shot of whiskey, can't stop looking at the door.
Wishing you'd come sweeping in the way you did before.
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind.
For me it happens all the time.
It's a quarter after one, I'm a little drunk,
And I need you now.
Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now.
And I don't know how I can do without, I just need you now.
Yes I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all.
It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now.
And I said I wouldn't call but I'm a little drunk and I need you now.
And I don't know how I can do without, I just need you now.
I just need you now.
Oh baby I need you now.
Saturday, September 11, 2010
I'm in love...
I'm in love with relationships
i'm in love with wanting acceptance
I'm in love with getting comforted
I'm in love with wanting to be loved
I'm in love with temporary things, moments, people that will fill my emptiness
I'm in love with feeling secured and protected
i'm in love with love.
Interesting how all these individual characteristics lead to God... But why am i looking somewhere else for this kind of love?
God desires relationships with me.
God accepts me
God comforts me
God loves me
God love is UNCONDITIONAL. never
God's love fills my heart full.. no.. his love overflows.
God protects me
God will never hurt me
God IS LOVE.
God.. i want to love you...
WILL YOU BE THER CENTER OF MY LIFE...?
i'm in love with wanting acceptance
I'm in love with getting comforted
I'm in love with wanting to be loved
I'm in love with temporary things, moments, people that will fill my emptiness
I'm in love with feeling secured and protected
i'm in love with love.
Interesting how all these individual characteristics lead to God... But why am i looking somewhere else for this kind of love?
God desires relationships with me.
God accepts me
God comforts me
God loves me
God love is UNCONDITIONAL. never
God's love fills my heart full.. no.. his love overflows.
God protects me
God will never hurt me
God IS LOVE.
God.. i want to love you...
WILL YOU BE THER CENTER OF MY LIFE...?
Friday, September 10, 2010
a
| "A woman should bury her heart so deep into Christ, that a man should have to go through Christ to win it" |
Saturday, September 4, 2010
:o
1. Where did we meet?
2. What was our first day?
3. Where was our first kiss & how was it?
4. Did you know they were the one?
5. What was your first impression?
6. When did you meet the family?
7. Do you have tradition?
8. What was your first road trip?
9. Who said I love you first & where were you?
10. What do you argue about the most?
11. Do you hate any of their exs?
12. What's their job?
13. Who wears the pants in the relationship?
you're out to eat what kind of dressing does she get on her salad
what's one food she doesn't like
you go out to eat and have a drink what does she order
what size shoe does she wear
if she was collecting anything what would it be
what is her favorite type of sandwich
what would this person eat everyday if she could
what is her favorite cereal
whats her fav music
whats her fav sports team
whats her eye color
who's her best friend
what is something you do that she wishes you wouldnt
whats her heritage/where she's from
you bake her a cake for her bday what kind of cake
did she play any sports
what could she spend hours doing
what is one unique talent she has
2. What was our first day?
3. Where was our first kiss & how was it?
4. Did you know they were the one?
5. What was your first impression?
6. When did you meet the family?
7. Do you have tradition?
8. What was your first road trip?
9. Who said I love you first & where were you?
10. What do you argue about the most?
11. Do you hate any of their exs?
12. What's their job?
13. Who wears the pants in the relationship?
you're out to eat what kind of dressing does she get on her salad
what's one food she doesn't like
you go out to eat and have a drink what does she order
what size shoe does she wear
if she was collecting anything what would it be
what is her favorite type of sandwich
what would this person eat everyday if she could
what is her favorite cereal
whats her fav music
whats her fav sports team
whats her eye color
who's her best friend
what is something you do that she wishes you wouldnt
whats her heritage/where she's from
you bake her a cake for her bday what kind of cake
did she play any sports
what could she spend hours doing
what is one unique talent she has
Thursday, September 2, 2010
i read this somewhere...
Would you go with me if we rolled down streets of fire?
Would you go with me if we were lost in fields of clover?
Would you go with me if we rode the clouds together?
Would you go with me?
The one.
Would you go with me if we were lost in fields of clover?
Would you go with me if we rode the clouds together?
Would you go with me?
The one.
Monday, August 16, 2010
New beginning?
2010 Dash-NOC college retreat. (Aug 13-15)
Dash: college is short, life moves on by so quickly... but we want to capture the moments.
it was a good experience i think. being able to pray about my family, share about my struggles, pains, and hurts, cook 5 meals out of 6, being able to talk to christina, audrey, and fraces.
good praise, fun activity time shinji organized.
interesting and exciting beginning.. :)
it's crazy how God works in so unexpected ways.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Irony.
Isn't it ironic?
We ignore the ones who adore us
adore the ones that ignore us
love the ones who hurt us
& hurt the ones who love us
sadly, this is so true...
We ignore the ones who adore us
adore the ones that ignore us
love the ones who hurt us
& hurt the ones who love us
sadly, this is so true...
Saturday, June 5, 2010
replay.
How frustrating is it to replay an event over and over in your head? especially an event that has hurt you so much that you felt like you just wanted to die or trust someone never again? it has been 2 years. 2 freakin years. maybe... i was lying to myself for 2 years that i am okay.
but, the truth is. i am NOT okay.
replay, repeat, wounded. 2 years of putting bandages over my scar. i guess all the hard works have been a temporary treatment. how many times have i prayed... how many times have i repented... how many times have i turned away from you... you were still there to tell me that you love me for who i am and that you want a relationship with me.
Lord. i'm hurt. it's painful. i feel like i'm back on the ground trying to come out of this haze ONCE AGAIN. i know you tell me you love me.. that i'm a beloved child of you...
DOT DOT DOT. how interesting... i just looked back at what i wrote from previous sermons...
first day- God wants the house because our heart is in the house. and God wants our hearts... that's why God took the house away. God doesn't want a discounted heart. He wants our full heart. because you put your heart on something, you aren't giving the full priced heart. God wants our full heart. letting go of someone, house, financial issues, and etc. But it is normal to give Good our fullest cost offerings... "issue of obedience" something we want and hold on to so dearly can be the biggest blessing if you're willing to let go to God... It's about journey not the destination so much. God wants our hearts... i was not to sucess and comfort but obedience God. Jesus was obdeient to death. but is this kind of devotion from your heart? i will not give my life that costs nothing. what are the things in our life, heart that i'm physically holding on to that is a barrier to the full obedience to god? let god's joy be a reward. God is our provider. Trust god......
but, the truth is. i am NOT okay.
replay, repeat, wounded. 2 years of putting bandages over my scar. i guess all the hard works have been a temporary treatment. how many times have i prayed... how many times have i repented... how many times have i turned away from you... you were still there to tell me that you love me for who i am and that you want a relationship with me.
Lord. i'm hurt. it's painful. i feel like i'm back on the ground trying to come out of this haze ONCE AGAIN. i know you tell me you love me.. that i'm a beloved child of you...
DOT DOT DOT. how interesting... i just looked back at what i wrote from previous sermons...
first day- God wants the house because our heart is in the house. and God wants our hearts... that's why God took the house away. God doesn't want a discounted heart. He wants our full heart. because you put your heart on something, you aren't giving the full priced heart. God wants our full heart. letting go of someone, house, financial issues, and etc. But it is normal to give Good our fullest cost offerings... "issue of obedience" something we want and hold on to so dearly can be the biggest blessing if you're willing to let go to God... It's about journey not the destination so much. God wants our hearts... i was not to sucess and comfort but obedience God. Jesus was obdeient to death. but is this kind of devotion from your heart? i will not give my life that costs nothing. what are the things in our life, heart that i'm physically holding on to that is a barrier to the full obedience to god? let god's joy be a reward. God is our provider. Trust god......
Monday, April 5, 2010
My Journey...
It's 1:53AM right now. Technically few hours after Easter Sunday.
Listening to some random songs that are soothing... I felt like i needed to write something down about my life, journey, and excitements for me to look back in the future. I wonder since when Easter really became a personal and meaningful holiday/celebration day for me. I believe it's since 2009 Easter. Gotta admit i really had a hard year in 2008. One word that can describe my year of 2008 would be "Heart-Broken". 2008... The hardest, most hurtful, painful, disappointing, devastating year of my life. To be honest, i feel like the scar of being heart broken by someone i love so much will always possess a big part of my heart. But throughout 2008's painful year, one thing i learned was that God desires a loving relationship with me. and that He wants me and loves me despite of all the negative things i've done in mylife and that he DOES NOT WANT ME TO GET HURT.
How ironic is that. Only way for me to realize that kind of crazy love was through physically, mentally, emotionally experiencing the pain and the hurt from someone i love. (LOVE. even though i've gotten hurt from it, i'm proud and happy to call it a LOVE. ) God was telling me to "let go"... just simply let go of things and "Turn to me". "Don't you see that I AM experiencing that exact same hurtful, painful rejection you're experiencing right now from THAT person? i UNDERSTAND you amy... Will you turn to me so you will STOP GETTING HURT??"
What an overwhelming sense of truth. God spoke to me too clearly that i was excited yet terrified to hear his voice. What was my response to this unrejectable love and calling from God? YES. i've tried to ignore this and tried to run away from the truth... I've failed so many times. too many for me to even start to count. what a failure am i? wouldn't God be thinking.. "HOW DARE is she to IGNORE and reject my love?" i was scared of my ugly self. How i always tell myself and to God that can you please give me once more chance? i'll make it right to you. please give me one more chance. and he answers my numerous prayers...
I am a FAILURE. I am BROKEN. I am scared. My heart has been harden....
I've tried so long to restore this broken relationship with God for... what... it's already been ONE YEAR. I still feel like i haven't improved at all. But once again, i was able to hear and recognize God's clear and loud voice telling me that "i STILL love you Amy. I died for your sins. I've sent my only son to save you. to take away all your sinfulness and make you WHITE as SNOW. Can you feel and understand my love for you Amy?" W.O.W.
powerful words. i can't fathom upon this crazy love.
2010, Good Friday.
A stressful, hungry, hurtful, disappointing, and regretful day of my life...... until the Good Friday service. Frustrations toward my dad and my mom. hatred towards myself for not being able to make peace. disappointment and hurtful words from umma. Disappointing news from the "non profit organization of law related stuff", depressed atmosphere my house. Unstoppable struggle of fighting myself for patience... prayerful heart, shattered heart and feelings, liters of tears. Questionable day, complete failure of the day. How can this day get any better?? i thought.
At the service, every one of these little puzzle pieces all fit together magically.... When Jesus was being crucified on this Good Friday, He must've went through unspeakable pains, hurts, disappointments, and prayers. All the hittings, spittings, cursing, rejection, and hatred from the very people he's dying for... and that he loves so much that he's even laying down his life for them. I wondered and thought to myself, Jesus really must have went through a emotional rollercoaster ride while taking my cross up to that hill to sacrifice himself. He could have simply denied to do this, BUT, he WILLINGLY & LOVINGLY carried away all my sins... He did not fail... i remained faithful to God and stayed strong through God. he DID NOT FAIL.
When i was listening to this sermon and short video clips and verses from the Bible, i came to realize and appreciate this LOVE OF GOD so much. Throughout my day, i've experienced failure, painfully hurting conversations, and challenging and mind-shaking things. (these things can't really be compared or measured upto what Jesus had to go through... but still...) i was able to experience and feel and understand Jesus' heart and intention little more clearly.
Thank you Lord... my savior for dying for ME. ugly and unworthy person. so i can be clean a SNOW... i was able to understand very very little bit of how hard it must have been for you when this task/mission was placed upon your shoulder... THANK YOU for this wonderful realization i had this year.
YOU ARE GREAT GOD. I PRAISE YOU AND THANK YOU.
HE IS RISEN. HE IS RISEN INDEED!!!!!!! AMEN.
Listening to some random songs that are soothing... I felt like i needed to write something down about my life, journey, and excitements for me to look back in the future. I wonder since when Easter really became a personal and meaningful holiday/celebration day for me. I believe it's since 2009 Easter. Gotta admit i really had a hard year in 2008. One word that can describe my year of 2008 would be "Heart-Broken". 2008... The hardest, most hurtful, painful, disappointing, devastating year of my life. To be honest, i feel like the scar of being heart broken by someone i love so much will always possess a big part of my heart. But throughout 2008's painful year, one thing i learned was that God desires a loving relationship with me. and that He wants me and loves me despite of all the negative things i've done in mylife and that he DOES NOT WANT ME TO GET HURT.
How ironic is that. Only way for me to realize that kind of crazy love was through physically, mentally, emotionally experiencing the pain and the hurt from someone i love. (LOVE. even though i've gotten hurt from it, i'm proud and happy to call it a LOVE. ) God was telling me to "let go"... just simply let go of things and "Turn to me". "Don't you see that I AM experiencing that exact same hurtful, painful rejection you're experiencing right now from THAT person? i UNDERSTAND you amy... Will you turn to me so you will STOP GETTING HURT??"
What an overwhelming sense of truth. God spoke to me too clearly that i was excited yet terrified to hear his voice. What was my response to this unrejectable love and calling from God? YES. i've tried to ignore this and tried to run away from the truth... I've failed so many times. too many for me to even start to count. what a failure am i? wouldn't God be thinking.. "HOW DARE is she to IGNORE and reject my love?" i was scared of my ugly self. How i always tell myself and to God that can you please give me once more chance? i'll make it right to you. please give me one more chance. and he answers my numerous prayers...
I am a FAILURE. I am BROKEN. I am scared. My heart has been harden....
I've tried so long to restore this broken relationship with God for... what... it's already been ONE YEAR. I still feel like i haven't improved at all. But once again, i was able to hear and recognize God's clear and loud voice telling me that "i STILL love you Amy. I died for your sins. I've sent my only son to save you. to take away all your sinfulness and make you WHITE as SNOW. Can you feel and understand my love for you Amy?" W.O.W.
powerful words. i can't fathom upon this crazy love.
2010, Good Friday.
A stressful, hungry, hurtful, disappointing, and regretful day of my life...... until the Good Friday service. Frustrations toward my dad and my mom. hatred towards myself for not being able to make peace. disappointment and hurtful words from umma. Disappointing news from the "non profit organization of law related stuff", depressed atmosphere my house. Unstoppable struggle of fighting myself for patience... prayerful heart, shattered heart and feelings, liters of tears. Questionable day, complete failure of the day. How can this day get any better?? i thought.
At the service, every one of these little puzzle pieces all fit together magically.... When Jesus was being crucified on this Good Friday, He must've went through unspeakable pains, hurts, disappointments, and prayers. All the hittings, spittings, cursing, rejection, and hatred from the very people he's dying for... and that he loves so much that he's even laying down his life for them. I wondered and thought to myself, Jesus really must have went through a emotional rollercoaster ride while taking my cross up to that hill to sacrifice himself. He could have simply denied to do this, BUT, he WILLINGLY & LOVINGLY carried away all my sins... He did not fail... i remained faithful to God and stayed strong through God. he DID NOT FAIL.
When i was listening to this sermon and short video clips and verses from the Bible, i came to realize and appreciate this LOVE OF GOD so much. Throughout my day, i've experienced failure, painfully hurting conversations, and challenging and mind-shaking things. (these things can't really be compared or measured upto what Jesus had to go through... but still...) i was able to experience and feel and understand Jesus' heart and intention little more clearly.
Thank you Lord... my savior for dying for ME. ugly and unworthy person. so i can be clean a SNOW... i was able to understand very very little bit of how hard it must have been for you when this task/mission was placed upon your shoulder... THANK YOU for this wonderful realization i had this year.
YOU ARE GREAT GOD. I PRAISE YOU AND THANK YOU.
HE IS RISEN. HE IS RISEN INDEED!!!!!!! AMEN.
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